Passion?

yesterday my dad asked me what's my passion. I answered HELPING OTHERS.
true. but first, i have a goal, cita-cita, I want my self well-educated. not that "well", I mean, I want to be a master of something. and I have make my decision already, I want to be a geologist. seriously. besides, I also want to be a musician, classic one. That's why I want to continue my study (college) in Germany. Everyone underestimate me when I told them my dream, they said that it is more than impossible for me to go to another county, so far one, alone, fight for my life. what was that? why? why? they thought I'm not mature enough to take my college there, but why? here I am, I realize it, I am a childish girl that still hugging my daddy and mommy all times, and never go bad early, and won't wake up my self, lazy to do things, but those, all, I do that only when I'm in my house. other place, hell no. I wake up so early, I can feed myself, I am a clean person actually. but I am so lazy to make my room because I shared my room with my sister, so once I clean my room, she'll destroy it in minutes. you know that feeling, I hate it.
I'm feeling like everyone wants to make me down and make me change my mind. but never. the said "Germany is soooo difficult to reach" "ah, don't take you bachelor degree there, take it here first, then get the master there" "it's not as easy as you think it is, they are so discipline, and you're not" "so expansive. who will pay your siblings school then?" "how is it when you're sick? how about the seasons?"

WHAAAAAAAATTTT? you think I didn't think about THOSE matters clearly? no! thousand times, that's why I'm so sure I want to go there. I've planned everything, the cost, the transportation, the language study academy, studienkolleg, college, which university, which city, where to live, where is my flat, where is the mosque, where is the university, I also already know which brands are containing halal and non-halal materials, where can I get cheap foods, halal ones, the culture, the weather, the clothes, the supermarkets, breads store, the stations, everything.
I know it will be uneasy. I realized, but I want to please you all, just give me a chance. If you never let me try, you'll never know what will I be later if you let me.
because I know, If I don't open myself to the world, I'll stuck here forever. because I know the world is just too small if I don't want to move forward. I don't want to here I started my life, here I wasted my life, and also here I will end my life at. NO.
abroad is....... where I can open up my mind, my heart, my soul, and realizing the whole world is not as small as Indonesia, not as small as Balikpapan, not as small is Jakarta, and there are so many people out there, with all the differences, will bring new knowledge, new world, and it will bring a great change in my life :)

It is not as an usual dream, it's a goal. it's a decision, it isn't a way to reach my decision, it is mine. but I can't get it myself, with my hard work, no, it needs costs to realize it. and it depends on my parents, I can't force them, but I'm a hopeless :(
they even don't want to hear germany things again from my mouth :(
I don't know what to do. they still force me to enter ITB - FITB. it's quite difficult for me. and that's not what I wanted. so... I hardly have to make a little turn, change, I know this is not sound good, but, the situation can't change, there's something you need to letting go sometimes, maybe your only decision also? you know, god know the best, he will never let me go wrong, he'll keep me go in his straight way, I believe that.

I cry often lastly, not because brokenheart or love things, but trying to realize that I have to bury my dream :'(
I even don't know who will help me. but god will. he hears my pray everynight :')

now, is try.

mini heart attack.

13 Maret 2013 : Ujian Akhir Sekolah

pray a lot and do your best.

Strength doesn't come from what you can do. but it comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't - Rikki Rogers

very soon. aamiin.

I'LL WAKE UP IN MY BED WITH A VIEW OF A GREAT CITY OF AACHEN SOON

VERY SOON.

I'M WORKING SO HARD RIGHT NOW :)

it has been a long time

aaaaaaaaaa saya sudah kelas 3 sekaraaaang!!!!
today, tanggal 8 Maret 2013, belajar fisika, pelajarin praktikum, ngerjain ujian, soalnya besok ujian praktek dan ada materi yang emang harus dihafalin, tapi....... capeeeek.
udah dari minggu lalu tindur jam 1an terus. huaaaah. ini nih risiko kalo belajar gak nyicil dari dulu. tapi yaudahsih, nikmatin aja haha.
ngomong-ngomong tentang hari ini dan juga tentang kelas 3, hari ini tutupnya SNMPTN.
aku sudah daftar sih, tapi yah, agak gila juga, agak mimpi. tapi harus optimis........ dengan nilaiku...... yang......... fluktuasi :(
gak ada yang dibanggakan juga, gak ada prestasi. dari dulu gak mentingin sertifikat sih. gak tau kalo bakal kepake
aku daftar FITB - ITB. cuma itu. iya. kepedean ya? gak mungkin ya? :" aku masih percaya sama doa ibu dan Allah SWT kok, kalo emang rezekinya ya bisa, kalau enggak, ya coba lagi di SBMPTN haha.
sebenernya disini aku mau ngomongin tentang impian. kalo udah ngomongin impian itu super nyesek. rasanya langsung random. tapi di otakku cuma ada 1 begitu denger kata "impian", yaitu JERMAN. singkat, jelas, padat, berisi, bermakna, segala-galanya. buatku. kenapa nyesek? karna mimpiku itu semacam gak mungkin. dari smp kelas 1 aku punya mimpi, bahkan aku sudah pengen kuliah kebumian di jerman. dari jaman mini sampe sekarang. sebenernya kata-kata itu bukan cuma asal sebut, "maa ntar aku pengen kuliah ke Jerman" mungkin devira kecil dulu kebanyakan ngehayal atau gimana. entah. tapi mimpi itu sampe sekarang masih ada. tapi kuliah itu gak sampe hitungan tahun lagi. sempet sih PHP-in ortu, sempet dikasih lapu hijau buat ke Jerman. tapi lama kelamaan, semakin banyak mikir, semakin banyak pertimbangan, akhirnya gak jadi. I hate it. PHPnya itu loh, super PHP kebangetan PHP. hiks banget lah. kalo kata felixsiauw, kalo mau ke pasar, tapi kebanyakan mikir, akhirnya pasti gak jadi. mikir udah mendung lah, atau kayaknya bakal macet, atau kayaknya panas banget, atau ikan katanya lagi mahal, atau cabe lagi langka, atau apalah. dampaknya? laper. padahal kan sebenernya gak tau juga kalo belum dijalani. kalo ternyata di pasar ternyata lagi melimpah ikan? tapi ngejelasinnya ke orangtua itu super-duperrrr susah abis.
Jerman emang jauh, tapi hatiku loh deket sama Jerman :' lebay ya? bodo amat deh lebay, yang penting bisa mengekspresikan haha. tapi seriusan nih, nyeseeeek banget rasanya. aku gak ngerti kapan harus berjuang buat mimpi kapan harus jadi anak yang baik. AAAAAAAAAAAAA.
god isn't sleep. he heard my pray every night. he knew what's the best and I just have to do my best to fight my dream, then let god see my hard work and tell me what's better.
RWTH Aachen, you're still in my every sleep now. but someday I'll see you when I open my eyes. cause god will guide me into you :*
ah. mulai lah gak warasnya. pokoknya, doain aja, semoga devira bisa kuliah disana. amin amin amin amin amin amin amin amin amin amin amin.