New Introduce, a 'grown up' silly blogger.

so last post was in 2013.

current me / 28th June 2015

19 Y.O.

Architecture Student/ Trisakti University

"Less is More"

Extrovert also an Individualist

Judgmental but no

Big Fan of Ludwig Mies Van Der Rohe & Daniel Libeskind

Couldn't find best color than navy blue

Neutral

Perfectionist

Analytic

Parasyte

Paranoid

Liar until you know it.

Passion?

yesterday my dad asked me what's my passion. I answered HELPING OTHERS.
true. but first, i have a goal, cita-cita, I want my self well-educated. not that "well", I mean, I want to be a master of something. and I have make my decision already, I want to be a geologist. seriously. besides, I also want to be a musician, classic one. That's why I want to continue my study (college) in Germany. Everyone underestimate me when I told them my dream, they said that it is more than impossible for me to go to another county, so far one, alone, fight for my life. what was that? why? why? they thought I'm not mature enough to take my college there, but why? here I am, I realize it, I am a childish girl that still hugging my daddy and mommy all times, and never go bad early, and won't wake up my self, lazy to do things, but those, all, I do that only when I'm in my house. other place, hell no. I wake up so early, I can feed myself, I am a clean person actually. but I am so lazy to make my room because I shared my room with my sister, so once I clean my room, she'll destroy it in minutes. you know that feeling, I hate it.
I'm feeling like everyone wants to make me down and make me change my mind. but never. the said "Germany is soooo difficult to reach" "ah, don't take you bachelor degree there, take it here first, then get the master there" "it's not as easy as you think it is, they are so discipline, and you're not" "so expansive. who will pay your siblings school then?" "how is it when you're sick? how about the seasons?"

WHAAAAAAAATTTT? you think I didn't think about THOSE matters clearly? no! thousand times, that's why I'm so sure I want to go there. I've planned everything, the cost, the transportation, the language study academy, studienkolleg, college, which university, which city, where to live, where is my flat, where is the mosque, where is the university, I also already know which brands are containing halal and non-halal materials, where can I get cheap foods, halal ones, the culture, the weather, the clothes, the supermarkets, breads store, the stations, everything.
I know it will be uneasy. I realized, but I want to please you all, just give me a chance. If you never let me try, you'll never know what will I be later if you let me.
because I know, If I don't open myself to the world, I'll stuck here forever. because I know the world is just too small if I don't want to move forward. I don't want to here I started my life, here I wasted my life, and also here I will end my life at. NO.
abroad is....... where I can open up my mind, my heart, my soul, and realizing the whole world is not as small as Indonesia, not as small as Balikpapan, not as small is Jakarta, and there are so many people out there, with all the differences, will bring new knowledge, new world, and it will bring a great change in my life :)

It is not as an usual dream, it's a goal. it's a decision, it isn't a way to reach my decision, it is mine. but I can't get it myself, with my hard work, no, it needs costs to realize it. and it depends on my parents, I can't force them, but I'm a hopeless :(
they even don't want to hear germany things again from my mouth :(
I don't know what to do. they still force me to enter ITB - FITB. it's quite difficult for me. and that's not what I wanted. so... I hardly have to make a little turn, change, I know this is not sound good, but, the situation can't change, there's something you need to letting go sometimes, maybe your only decision also? you know, god know the best, he will never let me go wrong, he'll keep me go in his straight way, I believe that.

I cry often lastly, not because brokenheart or love things, but trying to realize that I have to bury my dream :'(
I even don't know who will help me. but god will. he hears my pray everynight :')

now, is try.

mini heart attack.

13 Maret 2013 : Ujian Akhir Sekolah

pray a lot and do your best.

Strength doesn't come from what you can do. but it comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't - Rikki Rogers

very soon. aamiin.

I'LL WAKE UP IN MY BED WITH A VIEW OF A GREAT CITY OF AACHEN SOON

VERY SOON.

I'M WORKING SO HARD RIGHT NOW :)

it has been a long time

aaaaaaaaaa saya sudah kelas 3 sekaraaaang!!!!
today, tanggal 8 Maret 2013, belajar fisika, pelajarin praktikum, ngerjain ujian, soalnya besok ujian praktek dan ada materi yang emang harus dihafalin, tapi....... capeeeek.
udah dari minggu lalu tindur jam 1an terus. huaaaah. ini nih risiko kalo belajar gak nyicil dari dulu. tapi yaudahsih, nikmatin aja haha.
ngomong-ngomong tentang hari ini dan juga tentang kelas 3, hari ini tutupnya SNMPTN.
aku sudah daftar sih, tapi yah, agak gila juga, agak mimpi. tapi harus optimis........ dengan nilaiku...... yang......... fluktuasi :(
gak ada yang dibanggakan juga, gak ada prestasi. dari dulu gak mentingin sertifikat sih. gak tau kalo bakal kepake
aku daftar FITB - ITB. cuma itu. iya. kepedean ya? gak mungkin ya? :" aku masih percaya sama doa ibu dan Allah SWT kok, kalo emang rezekinya ya bisa, kalau enggak, ya coba lagi di SBMPTN haha.
sebenernya disini aku mau ngomongin tentang impian. kalo udah ngomongin impian itu super nyesek. rasanya langsung random. tapi di otakku cuma ada 1 begitu denger kata "impian", yaitu JERMAN. singkat, jelas, padat, berisi, bermakna, segala-galanya. buatku. kenapa nyesek? karna mimpiku itu semacam gak mungkin. dari smp kelas 1 aku punya mimpi, bahkan aku sudah pengen kuliah kebumian di jerman. dari jaman mini sampe sekarang. sebenernya kata-kata itu bukan cuma asal sebut, "maa ntar aku pengen kuliah ke Jerman" mungkin devira kecil dulu kebanyakan ngehayal atau gimana. entah. tapi mimpi itu sampe sekarang masih ada. tapi kuliah itu gak sampe hitungan tahun lagi. sempet sih PHP-in ortu, sempet dikasih lapu hijau buat ke Jerman. tapi lama kelamaan, semakin banyak mikir, semakin banyak pertimbangan, akhirnya gak jadi. I hate it. PHPnya itu loh, super PHP kebangetan PHP. hiks banget lah. kalo kata felixsiauw, kalo mau ke pasar, tapi kebanyakan mikir, akhirnya pasti gak jadi. mikir udah mendung lah, atau kayaknya bakal macet, atau kayaknya panas banget, atau ikan katanya lagi mahal, atau cabe lagi langka, atau apalah. dampaknya? laper. padahal kan sebenernya gak tau juga kalo belum dijalani. kalo ternyata di pasar ternyata lagi melimpah ikan? tapi ngejelasinnya ke orangtua itu super-duperrrr susah abis.
Jerman emang jauh, tapi hatiku loh deket sama Jerman :' lebay ya? bodo amat deh lebay, yang penting bisa mengekspresikan haha. tapi seriusan nih, nyeseeeek banget rasanya. aku gak ngerti kapan harus berjuang buat mimpi kapan harus jadi anak yang baik. AAAAAAAAAAAAA.
god isn't sleep. he heard my pray every night. he knew what's the best and I just have to do my best to fight my dream, then let god see my hard work and tell me what's better.
RWTH Aachen, you're still in my every sleep now. but someday I'll see you when I open my eyes. cause god will guide me into you :*
ah. mulai lah gak warasnya. pokoknya, doain aja, semoga devira bisa kuliah disana. amin amin amin amin amin amin amin amin amin amin amin.

VACUM.

high school isn't as easy as we think it is.

I AM. such a bad blogger. the worst one.

sorry for abandoned you, blog :'(
I wasn't suppose to do that.

PR. ulangan. tugas. kegiatan. numpuk lah semua jadi satu. gak ada waktu buat post apapun hoam. oke I AM A BAD BLOGGER :'(
by the way, now I am at the second grade, science class in smansa ;;) XI IPA 6 yeaaaaah.
again with my very best best best friends, JESSE, FAIZ, GUSTI :D <3
love them a lot ;D
I am in at an organization, TIRTA SCOUT with tiara and met new amazing friends there!
It will be so long if I tell you the story.
see ya guysssss

hah?

bingung sama pemikiran orang-orang (still related with the last post)
ada yang bilang "perasaan itu tersirat, gak bisa di ganggu gugat"
yaelah kalo kaya gitu terus mah nyesek doang jadinya. masa stuck di suatu ketidak pastian? yang bener aja?
ada juga yang bilang "ngapain stuck disitu? move on! masih banyak manusia disana"
yaelah gak bisa gitu juga dong. masa mau dipaksa-paksa?
tapi ada juga yang bilang "semua itu harus di perjuangkan, jangan pernah menyerah"
yaelah galau mulu kalo gitu ceritanya. gak bener juga.

jadi?
sakit kalo nunggu terus buat sesuatu yang gak pasti/ gak mungkin.
sakit juga kalo maksa ninggalin semuanya. lagian perasaan gak bisa di paksa-paksa juga kan. hhh that's why I don't understand love

askdhisfksdjn

I don't have any ideas to write.
I don't know what I'm feeling right now.
But I'm sure,
I start to let my self hates him.
and try to REACH FOR THE SKY ;)
I still can't understand why people can hoping someone for a not-sure-relation in a long long time. Why and how can they stand up that strong for WAITING? how can they pass the wind, the rain? Why they have to stay on that someone? Why they won't letting go that person and get a better life? Why they keep that illness? WHY?
I just remembered about Maroon 5's song, Nothing lasts forever.
"I LOVE YOU BUT I'M LETTING GO" I agree with that, that's better than it kills you slowly.


NOTHING LASTS FOREVER - MAROON 5

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Tough we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

holiday just like a flash!

in this period(semester 1) obviously has a holidaaaaay. yeah.
but I didn't enjoy it as well. I don't know why but it was just too short, but too long. I went no where. boring all the time, texting, eating, no other activities.
after the end of examination and I've repair my score, I came to the school everyday with Winona without some reasons, just wasted our time.
I got my study-result on Thursday 30th December and I still amazed with the result :)

Friday 31st December, Aldy invited me and others to watch Gulliver's Travelers at XXI e-walk. I came there with Winona and Taffy my best of the best friends. There are Aldy, Abi, Abang, Romy, Prima, Hafizh, Indri, WInona, Taffy, and I. We enjoyed Jack Black's jokes and acts.
But sadly I spent my new year night with NO ONE, nor my family. because I was too tired, I slept. I didn't have any special thing in last 31 December like others. BUT SOMETHING JUST MADE ME UP, AWAKE AND FALLING this is random I don't know but I guess I've open my heart for the new one ;) COOL!

3rd January, Prima invited us again to join his event, FISHING! yeah after Tiara, Abang, Faiz and I fought over the rain to reach the destination (Prima's house) *lebay* Tiara, Nanda, Bos, Putri, Prima, Ale, Ridho, Givary, Joseph, Abang, Faiz, and I went to Pemancingan Widuri by two cars. we got 4 medium fishes and a little one. Prima's dad got the big one oh no-_- we asked the owner of the place to bake all the fishes, and we went to lamaru beach to EAT them yeaaaaaaah! after we were full, we went to Total's swimming pool. It was our last place. but we were tired enough for that day. we started at 07 AM, we finished at 07 PM. having so much fun with them even we have also much troubles though ;D LOVE THE DAY SO FUCKIN MUCH!

4th January, I had to observe about availability of water for Karya Ilmiah with Tiara. I went to Titis' house, Dea's house, and Nuril's house until 09 PM! the day was so damn great!

5th January, I gave a little surprise for Puspitasari Putri Damayanti, I came to Wisma pertamina with Tiara, we bought a viennetta and some candles. she was surprised! we did it! and I love the viennetta ;)


6th January, still with Tiara, in the morning, was about 10 AM, we went to MOTE's house! we destroyed his house HAHA. and Abang called us to come to e-walk because we've late for THE TOURIST. Abang and Onny were waiting for us. we met Abi there. THE MOVIE WAS AMAZINGLY COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!! Johnny Depp was great! we also met AMOYYYY there! miss her a lot ;D

and after those amazing days, I slept along the days until 10 January I have to start the bussiness over again yeah!

Secondhand Serenade went to Bandung & Surabaya

JOHN VESELY WENT TO BANDUNG & SURABAYA, 8&9 January 2011
aaaaa I want to scream OUT LOUD because my mom just CANCELED my booked-plan-ticket! yeah you know how I feel? random. sad, mad. bud I just can did NOTHING. that's the greatest part! just because I lost my camera. I supposed to be there watch his amazing show with venna :( yeah but I passed the show! I MISS THE SHOW! ah, random. stop writing better :')

miracle

Alhamdulillah, ada gunanya vacum dalam jangka waktu yang sangaaaaat lama
walaupun ulangan pake acara galau-galau, tapi Alhamdulillah aku bener-bener ga kecewa sama nilai semester 1 ku. memuaskan.
ya walaupun ga nyampe 5 besar. Alhamdulillah aku peringkat 08 di Xtetra :)
dan ngeliat hasil raport ini kemungkinan juga aku ke Bandung, nilai udah syukur, tinggal kemandirian aja yang kurang pake banget-_- tapi pasti bisa mandiri, belajar dari sekarang! yeah! *apaan sih?*
jarang banget aku masuk 10 besar kaya gini apalagi di SMA gini. bisa dibilang MIRACLE
I thank to everyone who support beside or behind me, especially for Allah SWT :)
SEMESTER 2 HARUS LEBIH BAIK LAGI! PASTI BISA MASUK IPA SMA 5 BANDUNG! BISA!!!

random

he's absolutely driving me nutz.
I don't know where my soul is. I lost it all. My soul, my heart, my life, my self.
I've failed for FOUR TIMES.
I don't regret it but I'm totally broke, terribly sick.
I gave him everything. I love him like no other girl. but what the hell he did to me?
He left me for another girl. I wonder but afraid does she love him the way I can? can she make him better? I'm afraid she'll disappoint him, Idk why :(
I still trying to move on, I still trying to find my self back.
right, I broke up with Alvin Rivaldi Pratama 28 Oktober 2010
FYI, I love him just the way he is.

BEHEL

behel terpasang 1 Oktober 2010 pukul 5 sore. so?
so, YAAAAY! finally :D
pic menyusul.

STRESSFUL

911 PLEASE HELP
I HAVE SO SO SO SO A LOT OF EXAMS AND TASKS.
AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE FREE LIKE A NORMAL GIRL USUALLY DO
I WANNA GO HANG OUT WITH MY BOY, FRIENDS, FAMILY
NOT ONLY SPEND MY TIME IN FRONT OF THIS LAPTOP, OPEN MR.GOOGLE, MICROSOFT(S), EMAIL, OR WHAT
ONCE A WEEK IS OKAY, DO NOT FORCE ME THIS WAY.
RUINING MY BRAIN IS TOTALLY DANGEROUS!
THANKYOU

I HATE THIS TRUTH

why i must realize that i have much hws, exams, and all that school things to do?
tumpukan tugas, tiap hari ada ulangan selama 2 minggu, setelah itu Ulangan Harian Bersama, GOOD!
udah ah mau meledak saya. tambah-tambah lagi di hari ulangtahun alvin, malah dia lagi di Malang ada tugas buat ngewakilin provisi X'(
AAAAAAAAAARGH!
VACUM FOR A MONTH.

best friend birthday & 7th anniversary

Happy Birthday
Selasa, 7 September 2010.
besok tercatat dua hal yang dua-duanya sama-sama penting.
first, afif widya atmaja's birthday

second, 7 months our relationship birthday with alvin rivaldi pratama

TOUR

yes.
besok terbang ke Surabaya dan akan dimulai tour keliling jawa (?)
ga juga sih :/ cuma ke Ponorogo, Salatiga, Jogja, Malang, Bromo.
semoga perjalanan lancar terus :) amiin.

devira.

holiday

too much homeworks, too much exams, too much plans for holiday :/
libur tanggal 6 September, masuk tanggal 18 September.
berangkat tanggal 7 September, pulang tanggal 18 September.
setelah itu? Ulangan menunggu, dan semua PR sudah harus dikumpul. Oh please i wanna call 911 for helping me. semoga bisa atur waktu and i have a happy holiday.

for all of you,
HAPPY LEBARAN
maaf ya kalo saya ada salah-salah sama kalian :)
ga ada manusia yang sempurna di dunia ini. Kesempurnaan hanya milik Allah SWT.