Grown Up Silly Blogger

yesterday my dad asked me what's my passion. I answered HELPING OTHERS.

true. but first, i have a goal, cita-cita, I want my self well-educated. not that "well", I mean, I want to be a master of something. and I have make my decision already, I want to be a geologist. seriously. besides, I also want to be a musician, classic one. That's why I want to continue my study (college) in Germany. Everyone underestimate me when I told them my dream, they said that it is more than impossible for me to go to another county, so far one, alone, fight for my life. what was that? why? why? they thought I'm not mature enough to take my college there, but why? here I am, I realize it, I am a childish girl that still hugging my daddy and mommy all times, and never go bad early, and won't wake up my self, lazy to do things, but those, all, I do that only when I'm in my house. other place, hell no. I wake up so early, I can feed myself, I am a clean person actually. but I am so lazy to make my room because I shared my room with my sister, so once I clean my room, she'll destroy it in minutes. you know that feeling, I hate it.
I'm feeling like everyone wants to make me down and make me change my mind. but never. the said "Germany is soooo difficult to reach" "ah, don't take you bachelor degree there, take it here first, then get the master there" "it's not as easy as you think it is, they are so discipline, and you're not" "so expansive. who will pay your siblings school then?" "how is it when you're sick? how about the seasons?"

WHAAAAAAAATTTT? you think I didn't think about THOSE matters clearly? no! thousand times, that's why I'm so sure I want to go there. I've planned everything, the cost, the transportation, the language study academy, studienkolleg, college, which university, which city, where to live, where is my flat, where is the mosque, where is the university, I also already know which brands are containing halal and non-halal materials, where can I get cheap foods, halal ones, the culture, the weather, the clothes, the supermarkets, breads store, the stations, everything.
I know it will be uneasy. I realized, but I want to please you all, just give me a chance. If you never let me try, you'll never know what will I be later if you let me.

because I know, If I don't open myself to the world, I'll stuck here forever. because I know the world is just too small if I don't want to move forward. I don't want to here I started my life, here I wasted my life, and also here I will end my life at. NO.
abroad is....... where I can open up my mind, my heart, my soul, and realizing the whole world is not as small as Indonesia, not as small as Balikpapan, not as small is Jakarta, and there are so many people out there, with all the differences, will bring new knowledge, new world, and it will bring a great change in my life :)

It is not as an usual dream, it's a goal. it's a decision, it isn't a way to reach my decision, it is mine. but I can't get it myself, with my hard work, no, it needs costs to realize it. and it depends on my parents, I can't force them, but I'm a hopeless :(
they even don't want to hear germany things again from my mouth :(
I don't know what to do. they still force me to enter ITB - FITB. it's quite difficult for me. and that's not what I wanted. so... I hardly have to make a little turn, change, I know this is not sound good, but, the situation can't change, there's something you need to letting go sometimes, maybe your only decision also? you know, god know the best, he will never let me go wrong, he'll keep me go in his straight way, I believe that.

I cry often lastly, not because brokenheart or love things, but trying to realize that I have to bury my dream :'(
I even don't know who will help me. but god will. he hears my pray everynight :')